Surrender to gain Victory

Surrender is not a word we associate with victory.  How many victors ever won a battle by surrendering?  In fact we almost always associate surrender with defeat or giving up control of something we fought to keep.  Surrender in battle...lose the battle.  Surrender in a game...lose the game.  Any way we slice it, we equate surrender with loss.  With surrender often comes heavy emotions, feelings of failure, loss and sense of purpose.  When I think of one who surrenders, I picture slumped shoulders, on their knees, tears in their eyes and a look of loss.  Like all the joy of life has been sucked out of them.

I spent many years playing at life, never thinking my actions had consequences.  Well, logically I knew there could be consequences but I thought I was smart enough and had enough control to get around any potential consequences should I ever have to face them.  Only when I found myself on my knees, joy and sense of purpose long gone, did I realize, I can't win.  I am defeated.  My opponent too strong.  To continue the battle thinking I could win meant death.

At 43, I surrendered.  I gave my addiction to God.  I had become a demoralized, defeated man.  I admitted that my life was unmanageable and realized that only a power greater than me could defeat a disease that was stronger than me.  I had tried many times, always with the same result...try again tomorrow.  I had to start over.  I had to surrender myself and my addiction to God.

In addiction, just like spirituality, surrender is essential.  When I decided that I could not do this on my own, that I needed intervention from my Higher Power, only then could I be free of the burden of fighting this battle by myself.  Surrender gave me a renewed sense of purpose.  Surrender gave me a renewed feeling of joy.  Surrender gave me a new life.

I found victory in surrender, but this does not mean my battle is over.  What my surrender does mean is that I now face this battle with a power that is far greater than my disease. This battle no longer belongs to me, it belongs to God.