Today I celebrate 6 years of sobriety. I would be lying if I said it was an easy road. I've lost my marriage, lost most of everything I have ever owned and had to change my entire (almost) circle of friends. But that's okay, I am alive and gratefully sober.
When I decided I wanted to become sober, I really did not have a choice. I was at the lowest point in my life. I had finally gotten to the point that my life was truly unmanageable and I was completely out of control. The only way out was up, and it was no easy climb. I will probably spend the rest of my life still crawling up. Gone (for today) are the hangovers, the gaps in time I can not remember or explain and the excuses I had to constantly make for my behavior. To some people I will always be "that guy who couldn't handle his liquor".
Addiction is a disease that cripples 10% of our population, but impacts every one of us in some way. If we look hard enough, we all have an addict in our lives, either a family member or someone we know. The level of impact may be different for some, but we are impacted none the less.
As a recovering addict let me say, we don't mean to harm anyone. It is an unfortunate truth that we do end up hurting the very people we would die fighting to protect. The disease is in control. The disease makes our decisions. The disease makes us blind to our actions. All we do, we do for the next drunk or high.
I do not miss living in a fog. Even if I never regain the things I lost, I am in a much better place than I was 6 years ago today. My children have a sober, happy dad. I am much less willing to judge someone for the things they deal with in life. Instead of looking at life through the lenses of addiction, I can look at life through the lenses of grace and forgiveness. We all have struggles, every single one of us, and we all have a deep desire to be the best we can be. "Normal" people face those struggles head on. Addicts like myself use our addictions to escape those struggles.
If you are an addict, seek out someone in recovery.
Today, I am who I am because of my addiction.
I love this statement - I can look at life through the lenses of grace and forgiveness. Amen and blessings to you on your awesome accomplishment. One day at a time brought you to 2190 days sober and it is only onward and up from here! Smile!
ReplyDeleteI am so proud to call you my friend!!! Addiction is very hard to overcome and it one way or another...affects almost every family at one point or another.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas my friend!