The first step in making an amends is acknowledging that you hurt someone. I know that during my active addiction and even today in recovery, I hurt people. Its not something I am proud of but it is a fact of life that we all either intentionally or unintentionally hurt other people. It is because we are flawed and selfish beings. Being in recovery does not mean you will never hurt anyone again. What it does mean, hopefully, is that when we do, we acknowledge the hurt and try to make it right.
The second step in making amends is to take action. Taking action is where the rubber meets the road so to speak. Having acknowledged I wronged you, let me try to make it right. I highlight "try" because sometimes no action or no apology can right a particular wrong. Sometimes all we can do is acknowledge our wrong and try to do the "next right thing".
The final step in making amends is to change the behavior that led you to do the wrong. Most behavior is learned so in order to change, we must "unlearn" the bad behavior and replace it with positive behavior. This is not an easy task, especially if we spend years/decades in our bad behavior. Learned behavior becomes habit, our "go to" behavior.
Why is this important, can't one just stop drinking or using thus making things better? If we do not change the behaviors in our lives that are "defective", they will become our default behavior. Stopping substance abuse is just one step on the road to recovery.
Real recovery comes when the flaws that may have been factors in our addiction have been replaced with affirming and positive behaviors. The computer analogy of "bad info in = bad info out", is true of us too. In order for us to be a positive force in our circles we must absorb positive and allow it to become part of who we are.
In reflection, I realize I may never be able to right some of the wrongs I have committed. That hurts. But what I can do is resolve to do the next right thing. I will acknowledge when I have wronged someone. I will take action to right that wrong. I will try to change the behavior that led to that wrong.
The final step in making amends is to change the behavior that led you to do the wrong. Most behavior is learned so in order to change, we must "unlearn" the bad behavior and replace it with positive behavior. This is not an easy task, especially if we spend years/decades in our bad behavior. Learned behavior becomes habit, our "go to" behavior.
Why is this important, can't one just stop drinking or using thus making things better? If we do not change the behaviors in our lives that are "defective", they will become our default behavior. Stopping substance abuse is just one step on the road to recovery.
Real recovery comes when the flaws that may have been factors in our addiction have been replaced with affirming and positive behaviors. The computer analogy of "bad info in = bad info out", is true of us too. In order for us to be a positive force in our circles we must absorb positive and allow it to become part of who we are.
In reflection, I realize I may never be able to right some of the wrongs I have committed. That hurts. But what I can do is resolve to do the next right thing. I will acknowledge when I have wronged someone. I will take action to right that wrong. I will try to change the behavior that led to that wrong.
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