Life gets real...real fast!

A friend asked me the other day, how my life has changed now that I have been sober 6 years.  I think my friend assumed I would answer with something like "so much easier" or that the things that paralyzed me with fear "vanished the day I got sober".

When I was drinking, I could easily ignore life's daily struggles that most people take in stride.  I could easily escape into my own intoxicated world and pretend that everything was okay.  It was in fact my inability to manage my life that kept me in the addiction cycle.  The more I stressed, the more I drank.  The more I drank, the more I stressed, a never ending cycle of running from life.

Fast forward 6 years.  As I reflect on the original question of how my life has changed, I realize that life is hard with clear eyes and clarity.  I worry about money. I worry about my kids.  I have stress at work and stress at home.  The "things" in my life have not changed, how I face them has.  Instead of escaping and hiding in a bottle, I actually have to face life like a grown up.

So my answer to the question is that life is both harder AND more joyous without my crutch.  My life is not necessarily harder or more joyous than anyone else's, but feeling it for the first time is surreal.  And I am grateful for that because just as the stresses are more real, so are the joys in life.

Recovery does not teach us how to "not drink". Recovery teaches us how to live life sober.  I don't think I would change my life if I could, it has made me who I am today.  For some of us it takes being in the pit and crawling out on our hands and knees to realize the fullness and beauty of life.  The scars I gathered along the way are a reminder of where I came from and where I could be again if I do not keep looking up.